A lie
by Secretive Owl
Summary: When I first started to get feelings I thought that it was just a silly crush and it would eventually past but it didn't. The more I thought about it the more I continued to fall, fall into the endless pit never going to find the end. As much as I am going to hate to say this, I am just helplessly in love with the mobian in front of me. This is a one sided sonadow.
1. A lie

As we stand here to together, I can't help but wonder what it would be like to be loved, in the arms of the person beside me getting looks of love. As I look out at the ocean, I feel no fear consuming me like I usually would being this close to my fear, but when I look over to the other with me I can't help but stare. The wind brushing past the coat of fur and the bunch of quills, how the eyelids are closed, hiding the orbs I just am obsessed to stare at. I can not help but admit I'm sad and happy. I'm happy because I get the chance to even be near them, but I'm sad because I know not even in a million years will they love me back, its just the way its got to be I guess.

I'm in love. Its that easy anyone can see it. I remember the first time we met. Hating me like it was his soul purpose in life, but also not remembering a thing about what happened before Eggman used it to his advantage to obviously try and take over the world. But after myself and my friends, Amy, Tails and Knuckles, helped regain the memories lost, we started to get closer and closer. The more friendly fights we got into, the playful name calling made use closer to being friends.

When I first started to get feelings I thought that it was just a silly crush and it would eventually past but it didn't. The more I thought about it the more I continued to fall, fall into the endless pit never going to find the end. As much as I am going to hate to say this, I am just helplessly in love with the mobian in front of me.

I know that they don't know but every word that my secret love said to me and every name I will be called breaks my heart. Every day after one of these I end up just putting on a mask to cover the real pain I feel. When it gets too much even for me to handle I just end up crying myself to sleep, but even after every word that is said I just can't help but be in love.

As we continue to stand there I see that the mobian is starting to walk off, the legs continue to go in front of the other. The red striped, upturned quills having a slight bounce to them as he walks off. I just stay there, knowing I will just be more trouble.

I feel empty.

Not because he's leaving but to know I will never know what the love between us would feel like. I feel like I should tell someone, maybe my brother? No he's to young. Knuckles? No he will just laugh. Amy's a big no no. then there is Rouge, but she will tell him. I just don't know what to do any more, I'm in a tunnel that has no end. But I will continue to live in the lie that is my life at the moment just to not worry anyone.

But mostly just to keep everyone happy. Including my love. The love that I have had for my black and red rival. Shadow the hedgehog. My name is Sonic the Hedgehog, the hero of Mobius.

And I'm living a lie that I can't get out of.

* * *

 **I hope it was okay. Okay lust to explain I know I tried to avoided saying Shadows name till the end. I just hope that the hints that it was Shadow were not a complete giveaway as to who I was talking about. I also hope it wasn't too short. So please review because I would love to know if you enjoyed it. I hope you have a wonderful day were ever you are in the world. Bye!**


	2. The Morning

_**Dear Diary,**_

 _ **Tails said I should start to use you a bit more. Someone finally noticed. He asked if I was alright, I said that I was fine. It worked I had thought, until I walked into my room to see you laying on my pillow. I don't think you'll help that much though. See I love my rival. Shadow is the complete opposite to myself. Most would think, ' Why would you love your rival, no less someone who tries to kill you every day?'. Well my answer would be, I love him beyond time, beyond every galaxy, all the way to the end of the universe, and back. I love the way his eyes glisten around Amy, the smirk that he usually wears around me gone, well replaced with a gentle loving smile. The tense mussels relax as he holds her. I want to be the one to have that effect on him.**_

 _ **I only noticed when they started to date that the feeling I always had in the pit of my gut when we fought, when his shoulder might bump mine, I would always get flustered or nervous. That was my body trying to tell me that I found love. I just kept pushing it to the side saying I would tell him. But it's too late now. He would never love his rival, no less a male. So I love someone who won't love me back. But it is to late to stop the love for him in me.**_

 _ **Sonic.**_

* * *

After I closed the deep red cover of my diary, I hop off my bed and make my way down the hall way. As I enter I can smell the aroma of pancakes being cooked.

"Morning." said the twin tailed yellow fox, who was cooking on the stove top, in fount of me.

"Good morning Tails." I said as I made my way to the island bench.

"Are you using your diary Sonic?" he asked, now placing the pancakes onto a plate. I nodded in a yes response. "Going to tell me what's wrong?"

"No" _but how I wish I could._

Sitting down beside me, he hands me a plate with two average sized pancakes. Then he gets his. You see I can't tell anyone for how I feel. I can't tell anyone that I love Shadow. I won't barge into someone's life to tell them my problems, their the ones who come to me for a solution to the problem in their life. I'm the hero, people think that we hero's wont have an issue in life. So I don't say anything.

"I'm going down into the workshop," stated my little brother as he placed his honey covered dish into the sink. "Call me if there is any problem."

I watched as he made his way down the steps into the basement, that I made into a workshop for the fox for a Birthday present 5 years ago. He loved it. I then hoped up walked over to the sink to wash up the frying pan, two plates and cutlery. As the warm water was making it's way into the sink I then add some soap onto a cloth and stop the waster to wash up. My bare furred hands gliding onto the dishes, but it's only half heartedly. My minds some were else.

I was always told that I would find the one I love, someday and they would love me just as much. I found the one I love but the feeling is not returned. Love everyone has found it but me. First it started Rouge and Knuckles, three years. Then Amy and Shadow dating for two years. Cream and Tails only started to date a month ago.

Once every dish was placed neatly into the shelves after I washed and dried them, I head back to may room to get my gloves and shoes. The gloves sliding onto my peach hands, I then head over to the window. At the bottom of it sits my famous runners, the gold buckle shining in the suns glow. The red and white complementing one another. After I placed them over my socked feet I then head out of my room.

Once I'm out of my room I head over to the door to go and have a run. To race with wind.


	3. The Chao Garden

I just keep on running. It seems to be the only thing that keeps me happy when everything else can not. As I continue to run at the speed of sound I look around my surroundings. I take in every detail, like how the trees around me are filled with apples, the red skin shinning in the light of day. How the grass I run on sways with my movements. By the time I reach my destination I start to slow down to a jog as I take in my surroundings.

As I walk on the soft green grass, my eyes linger on the beautiful lake. The little chaos that are eating fruit off the trees that surround this area, or if they are playing with other chaos do make this place a magical place to be in. When ever I had something on my mind this is the place I come to. This is my place and no one is ever going to find out about it.

"Chao chao." a blue and yellow Chao had acknowledged me. All the little creatures turn to face me, hearts replacing the question marks on top of their heads as they see that it is me.

"Hello guys. How have you been?" I ask.

"Chao" they all say as they slowing come myself in then in heart warming hugs.

Al the weight resulting in me falling flat on my back, as their bodies continue to cover me.

"I missed you guys to." I was now sitting up right, holding some of the Chaos in my hands, while the others that lost interest in me went back to what they were doing before I came.

This is my place. I love the Chaos here they are always so gentle and loving to me. I will never tell people of this place because people would want to tell the people who say they will protect the Chaos, but in reality they will put cameras all around this Chao Garden or they will put them in cages, and I will not do that to these guys. I love the Chaos also because I can tell them what I feel like and what I am thinking and they don't judge me.

I sit in the Chao Garden for hours. Letting them snuggle up to my sides or holding them, just talking. I just pour my heart to these little creature, telling them about Eggman and about all my friends, including Shadow. I hate to leave these little guys but I have to get back to the workshop. As I hop up all the Chaos move away from me.

"Bye, I'll see you later." I wave the goodbye.

I then make my way out of the garden. Once out I then use the speed I am known for to reach my home in a matter of minutes When I walk in I see that Tails is out of the workshop and talking to his girlfriend Cream.

"Oh hello Sonic. How was your day?" asked the bunny.

"It was fine Cream, how was yours?"

"It was wonderful." she then turned back to the blue eyed fox and continued with the conversation they were having before I got there. They look so cute together. Tails hates it when I say that, I would often tease them both about it being the youngest couple in the group at my brother being 16 and Cream 14. But today I'm just not in the mood.

Seeing a young couple is such a beautiful thing to see. Young love I think that's what people call it. I think while I walk to my room. I open the door to see it the way I left it, bed made with my diary on the pillow, this morning. I walk over to my bed and just flop down onto it, forgetting about my shoes and gloves for the time being. I close my eyes, letting my mind pull me into the welcoming arms of sleep.

My last thought being of the onyx hedgehog.


	4. Abyss

After my eyes closed consuming me in the land of slumber, I am then met with my nightmare. I am standing in a black void, there is nothing but myself and the darkness. Then some were out of the obis I see six figures walking toward me. The one in front of me being a pink hedgehog, the one to the left of her being a light brown rabbit. The one to the left side of me being my little brother, beside him a red echidna, then next to him is an ivory bat. Finally the one next to Amy is a black and red coated hedgehog, red eyes glaring right through me.

"You are nothing to use Sonic. How could we have a friend who's… who's gay." said the pink hedgehog, her red and white dress bopping up and down as she walked toward me. "I can't beleave I even loved you."

Then the ivory and the red couple walked up. Knuckles then started to say "At least we could find love unlike you because who would love you You think of no one but yourself."

"N-no I do think of others. P-please stop." I was now on the ground holding my ears, trying to drown them out.

Then I watched as the white and red sneakers, along with the yellow and orange, walked up to me.

"Heh and your meant to be the hero, pathetic. You really are." said the voice of Cream, that is usually filled with kindness only have hatred laced in every word.

"I called you my brother," I tugged at my ears harder trying to make it stop, "look at yourself how could I love someone who only cares for themselves and no less someone as filthy as you. Look at yourself cowering just because of words, sometimes I wonder how I ever loved you. You never loved me."

"I-i do love you-"

"Oh shut up already, we all know it's all an act." came the deep voice of Shadow, cutting me off. "Why do we even put up with you. After all your only a wast of space to us all." I just lay here, curled up, getting words from the people I love…. For loving another male. "Did you ever think that I would love someone like you? Ha, I would rather die then to even be with you. Your a pathetic excuse for a friend, no for a mobian, so why don't you just go and kill yourself. Not like we would care any way."

I just can't take it any more. I just scream. Scream the loudest I can, trying to drown out the insults coming from their mouths, their chants of useless, nothing, worthless and disgusting raining out my screams of sadness. I know their right so why do I continue to scream? I know no one would love someone like me? I'm useless.

Suddenly I find myself back in my room, upright. The sweat mixing with my tears as they drip off my face onto my blanket. My mind still going back to the nightmare. Even though it was a nightmare, I can't help but feel that it's true. Look at me, I'm the great Sonic the Hedgehog, crying over a nightmare.

"He I hope you're happy. Look at me mum. Is this what you wanted?" I say up the roof of my room. The tears never stopping. "I'm sorry mum please don't hate me. I love you, I-i just need help."

I just sit there on the ground, crying to the heavens. Cry for my mother. Crying for someone to help me from my demons.


	5. Friends?

p data-p-id="c822e319dffeb83d484cbaa300265edd"Dear Diary,/p  
p data-p-id="43f4fb81ac6d409148820c5adcf20dcd"I've been having this reoccurring dream, well more of a nightmare. I'm in a black abyss as I like to call it. Well I think I'm alone...but I'm not. Their there. My friends. They insult me like my dad used to, say I am useless, pathetic. Saying I should go and die. Every time I wake up I would plead for my mum, but she's dead. I was lucky last night, Tail decided to go and stay over at Vanilla and Cream's house. Tails deserves Cream. He never knew his family when he was growing up, living on the streets. I found him when he was 4. At the time I was 11, he was my family after I ran. I would try to give him the best of life, with what ever I could. 12 years I have known Tails. I am now 23 but Tails is still more maturer then me. I feel like he won't need me any more. Now that Eggman died. What will I do when he does leave. I;ll worry about that latter...when that does happen./p  
p data-p-id="ce74412a7f6136ba2e6c9d75a2282330"Well anyway we're all meeting up on Angel Island for a picnic. A reunion of sorts. I can't wait, I can finally see how everyone has been. Since we found Ivo dead in his base we found no use, myself being the only one to disagree, not that they noticed, but we when our own ways. That was also the day Shadow and Amy got together. We still see each other just not as often as we used to. I miss the old days, they are my only family now. And they...left me./p  
p data-p-id="70abdbd1536ca29d2e7d92c29187c131"Sonic/p  
p data-p-id="985aca48dac1cb5e3d9910c9a2b5d147"^^^^^^^^^^Friends...?^^^^^^^^^^/p  
p data-p-id="80d4c812244e20cddbe4ceeed0f18207"I sigh as I let the pen and diary fall to my bed as I walk to the door. My gloves and shoes already on. It was already 11:29. Me and the gang had decided to all see each other again. It was to be at 11:30. I open the door, taking in the smell of nature./p  
p data-p-id="f2f48f4816e7940e978b761a64ce317e"'Time to put on that smile'/p  
p data-p-id="79ff20f16d2a79a965bd635d0c161b7d"I then run at full speed in the direction of the massive floating rock, called Angel Island. Once I am there, on the island, it starts to float back up into the sky./p  
p data-p-id="b785183a6b714e0bc68068635d263e29""Hay Sonic. How was your night?" asked the blue eyed fox, who's hand is intertwined (I have no idea if I spelt this right or not) with Creams. His tails swishing lazily behind him./p  
p data-p-id="42cc7fa09fb150baff029922a955fcc4""It was fine. So how was you night guys?" I reply./p  
p data-p-id="2b93987d28b35b0280c1f6928f2417a4""Oh it was amazing. We watched some movies and played some video games." said the rabbit. Her short orange dress accompanied by blue tights./p  
p data-p-id="f612a0ae71167cfab2ab9a30af7b2152""Hi guys."/p  
p data-p-id="7980db28fc5c8c799a8dd661fae31c83"It was Amy and...Shadow. Amy had changed, she now wears a dark marone one peace, with the same coloured boots. Her hair was also longer, it now reached half way down her back. Sports tape replaces her gloves, but she still wore her gold rings on her wrists. But Shadow hasn't changed a single bit. He still wears gloves, has the same hover skates every thing was the same about he older./p  
p data-p-id="1b4b1c02b9d2ab5717c840c47bb04687""Hi Amy" said the couple next to me. I just wave to my friends./p  
p data-p-id="e8b660606db83e9a39cd7a5843828ab4""So Faker," crap its Shadow, "still haven't found a girlfriend yet?"/p  
p data-p-id="ad3b237cf8eba2ca64b9728aca85d131""No I haven't. How have you and Amy been?" I asked my eyes looking at anything but Shadow./p  
p data-p-id="ea04e1a7e750f70f6596d96b7ae5a38d""We have been good. Can't say the same to you though."/p  
p data-p-id="6ecee8e248f59670c6184d37f6504553""W-what do you mean Shadow?" I ask./p  
p data-p-id="eef3be6117d79417b8de7898ed353242""You look a mess . You also won't look me in the eyes. What's wrong Faker?" he said while stopping us both to grabbing my chin, in a strong but soft hold, making me look at him./p  
p data-p-id="75cbca38cc54f14fa99cbcf4eb8ea787"As his ruby gems meet my emerald, I tell him;/p  
p data-p-id="54a39bb00f21edaa40d5ef6fa1c08a3c""I'm fine, there's nothing wrong."/p  
p data-p-id="3450763cf90b7ff66546697c8f6e876d""You two coming or what?" called a female voice./p  
p data-p-id="1348ffe5ca34cbf5c8aa66303b069212"The spell our eyes had was now broken. He then starts off in the direction of Tails, Cream and Amy. When he reaches Amy he wraps his arm around her waist. Then they all walk off, forgetting about me. My right hand then slowly reaches to were his gloved hand was. I then snap out of my day dream by shaking my head and head in the direction my friends head off to./p  
p data-p-id="e20da206cb650135b9fb85736df537cd"When I finally make it to the gathering for seven, no one noticed that I finally got there. They were all in a deep discution. Well, almost everyone. Shadow was only half listening to what they were talking about. He was more focused on me though./p  
p data-p-id="2d3eb8a9621be7ef9640e30dead6d2bf"By the time that they all finished talking to each other, about what ever they were talking about, they all turn to someone else to talk to. Rouge was talking to Shadow. She still wears her skin tight one-peace with the pink heart on the chest. The white gloves that had the pink trim were on the ground forgotten. Like me./p  
p data-p-id="7283188a7892f79472c13587b20bdbee"Knuckles was talking to Tails about something. Knuckles still looked the same, just a tad taller and buffer. The green, red and yellow shoes were still worn, the white gloves he used to wear when we fought Eggman were forgotten and replaced with the normal gloves. No longer needed./p  
p data-p-id="24a8db8b1169a6239d9980a233b593f3"And finally Cream and Amy were talking about girl stuff, like music, fashion, their boyfriend. That type of stuff./p  
p data-p-id="d7d25fc12f25b5f59c78fefb87fd3371"'I wonder if I were to just leave would the notice?' I ask myself. 'Probably'/p  
p data-p-id="d3d9b1a3959f86ede1ef4aa6336cf4b4"I just stand there. Like I do every time we see each other. I stand there forgotten. Alone./p  
p data-p-id="d41d8cd98f00b204e9800998ecf8427e" /p  
p data-p-id="608a9b4d2c9f09c3b85c2c7bde967ebf"^^^^^^^^^^Friends...?^^^^^^^^^^/p  
p data-p-id="5518be89e65ec13e9493f460d251cadf"I hope it was okay./p  
p data-p-id="2a6dfaac258afe91d2f515a1c0623a20"Ages:/p  
p data-p-id="8bf688ac1598a473fdb9ec72e50ffc04"Shadow:25/p  
p data-p-id="33560dc7aeb7253562f24d35f90b68ce"Amy:24/p  
p data-p-id="dd30276dac60e4a3f93e824a9a66367b"Cream:14/p  
p data-p-id="03bf190565915ab6c0aac833f03d7aa3"Tails:16/p  
p data-p-id="5376a42faba5bcc73cd419dcc8358adf"Rouge:24/p  
p data-p-id="0764da5277d409b81ee49be582e198ff"Knuckles:27/p  
p data-p-id="38fc200353921a9c557db70a32be3bb6"Sonic:23/p 


	6. Razor Blades And Blood Stains

XXXX TRIGGER WARNING XXXX

If you are sensitive to self harm and mentions of self harm please wait till next chapter.

"Sonic, is it okay if I stay one more night at Cream's place?" Comes the voice of my little bro.

"Sure, but be back by tomorrow please Tails." I say as I look down at him.

"Okay, but are you okay Sonic? You seem down." he asks.

"Yeah, I'm as happy as Larry." I hate lying to him. I hate it.

"Okay, but if you need to talk don't forget you can talk to me." and wit that he walks off, hand linked with the you rabbit.

As I start to walk back to the workshop I start to think of how useless I am now.

'No one needs you any more, you're just useless. Unneeded, unwanted, why don't you just give up already, you just a failer.'

As I continue to think these thoughts, I feel the slight sting at the corners of my eyes. I move my legs faster, as the tears start to blur my vision, but I make out my house coming in the distance. As my hand fumbles for the door nob, I hear a snap from behind me, so as soon as the door opens I'm in my house with the door closed and lock fearing someone saw me.

Using the door as support, I slowly slide down it, letting the sobs racket my fragile body. After a few minutes of my uncontrollable sobbing, I hop up and stumble to the bathroom. As I look at myself in the mirror, what I see is horrifying. I see myself with red, puffy eyes, tears still streaming down my muzzle. My once bright emerald eyes, now dull, and lacking the happiness I used to have. I'm skinnier, my ribs showing slightly.

As I look down, I remove my gloves to see patches of fur missing, and white cuts littering my skin.

'I really am a mistake, a screw up to everyone,' I think to myself,' how could anyone love me?'

I then look up at the medicine cabinet and grab a sharp metallic object. The only thing I know I can turn to and know it wont leave me alone. My razor. As I guide it to my wrists, I hear a knocking on the door. I just ignore it, thinking they will leave me alone. As I slide the blade across my wrists, I add more pressure to the cuts hoping for he relief from the world, even if its only for a small while. But I continue I feel no relief. And with the continues knocking... I place the razor down on the bench, garbing a bandage from the cabinet and warping it around the bleeding cuts. Ill clean up later.

As I approach the door the knocking gets louder. I unlock the door and open it to see Shadow standing there.


	7. The Talk

p data-p-id="4996b939f9918b128a48989c80d10a77"As Shadow stands there, at my front door, I subconsciously hide arms behind my back. Rubbing them./p  
p data-p-id="9afbda9e672000e2014e5be29a7f4107""Hello Sonic. May I come in?" asks the onyx hedgehog./p  
p data-p-id="d684b7957b98190edf39083ae2e3ba7a""Um sure, j-just give me a minute please." I say so I can go clean up the mess. I walk back to the bathroom, hide the razors, then grab a cloth to rd myself of the blood. Once I am finished with the bloodied cloth, I throw it in the bin and head out, making sure the cuts and scares are not viable to the world./p  
p data-p-id="4650b7ae5fa643b23f984af44ebfe6e4"I open the door and Shadow walks in. as he walks in I noticed his eye's scan over my body./p  
p data-p-id="a2c2a6ba8c880897cc9acc9c5c5d9a87""So, what is wrong Hedgehog?"/p  
p data-p-id="f07f88dec39975c95efe29007eb8ac21"I shiver. It's such a simple question, but yet it can bring chills down my spine. Why? Well that that's a simple question, easier to answer then the one asked, it's the though that I will bring others down with me. I don't want to do that because if I do that they will learn who I really am, then leave me. Alone./p  
p data-p-id="35a954e3a7820184fa6c63ca566983dd"So I say another lie./p  
p data-p-id="d65e33cd03f10f854d69649a18b06bc5""Nothings wrong Shads. Why do you ask?"/p  
p data-p-id="e31100174a7ed5a41168e5124b2ab75d""you just seem...off, I guess. You're not as happy as you used to be. Not as social, you lock yourself in your room and only come out when you need to."/p  
p data-p-id="5f5b78c383483beb2e236cc561eaa43a"My fake smile wavers./p  
p data-p-id="67d4ca6dbd35d747ccba4222352cb892"'Don't you dare let it show'/p  
p data-p-id="ddc905a259c849b58699bc7b027a4b6f""I don't know what you're talking about" I say. I need him out, or I'm going to lose it./p  
p data-p-id="c2969beb3e0c805994ebccda2b43aad7""Sonic you know exactly what I am talking about. Don't hide away from your friends, you family, your brother, me, we can help you. No matter what you're going through we can help, we understand wh-"/p  
p data-p-id="e764590c2e1281f4f21fc6f3a31f2ef1""Shut up Shadow. You know nothing of what I am going through, you know nothing of what I feel, so stop trying to," I've let him see, my love is seeing what I have become. A crying freak. "Just get out Shadow. Please." I turn away from him, my back now facing him. I do not wanting him to see me like this, and also just to not see the pain and hurt in his eye's./p  
p data-p-id="1cb1f3267ea541cbc4295ac17b3862d2"I now he has left when I hear him quiet foot falls on the wood, the empty house making this sound echo, and the opening of a door. Then the closing. I wait long enough to make sure that he will not hear me when I break./p  
p data-p-id="d8d29d7cc8c6c3393e78563ec5ad0f72"Then it dawns on me./p  
p data-p-id="bd5dd8f11035dac478f492c8ae11996f"I'm alone. Again./p  
p data-p-id="8d4ca4458983c69d3f1fce665e73b814"By the time that though has gone through my head, I am a cry, shaking, broken mess on the floor. Thoughts swirling through my head./p  
p data-p-id="8b8964e2b45ba46e4a97351de81d847e""Why do I do this? Why am I a failer? I can't even except help, even when it's offered. Why can't I be loved?"/p  
p data-p-id="4baccb60bb5ca006c796b9f0041fe6d1"I yell and scream these thoughts and insults to myself. I am unaware that a certain onyx hedgehog is outside, listing to my self hate, standing by my door. I am oblivious that this is tearing him up from the inside out./p 


	8. Journal

p data-p-id="d41d8cd98f00b204e9800998ecf8427e" /p  
p data-p-id="a2cabf233589db012ca9f2dccc382d82"Dear diary,/p  
p data-p-id="992f11d76ab3183d065480582edf3fac"is it okay if I start to refer to you as Journal. I just feel like its more personal and all. Well, hay today wasn't so good. Shadow saw, he saw me crying. I don't know why, but I just started to loss it when he said they could help. They are delusional. No one can help me. How can you fix someone or something that can't be fixed? Please tell me how, because if there is a way, I would love to know./p  
p data-p-id="73af54f8ebe987f8ddc7a8655d5e4b02"Well how was your day? I hope it was better then mine. Shadow was saying that I have become, I guess, more distant and antisocial. But no one knew me before Eggman. No one will know./p  
p data-p-id="92de7173477912c2a50c7547c692b25b"Can I tell you a secret Journal? Do you promise not to tell anyone?/p  
p data-p-id="93100f121afbe6d3e310f74746e307ef"Well when I was a kid, before all of the Eggman stuff. I actually knew Eggman before but he wasn't even referred to as Eggman. Dr Ivo Robotnik. A very nice man. White hair that stuck up in every which way. Skinny. I met him one day, I was a normal colour, brown with brown eyes. Heh I'm different. Well I was claiming to be the fastest hedgehog IN the world. Yeah I could still run faster then other hedgehogs, but I couldn't run nearly as fast as I can now. But yeah I became friends with him, he was a very nice man. He was actually the one who gave me my speed. The one thing I was good at. Well he would put me one this treadmill type of thing. It made me show my true speed I had at the time. He then looked down at my shoes, my old brown, mouldy and muddy shoes. He then gave me the shoes I have today./p  
p data-p-id="ae8f4693f1c0e6f95924ae03a62ecff4"Well he put me back on. I would go back every day. The speed would increase. But one day, he brought in a chaos emerald. He told me not to touch it, but did I listen? Nope, can't blame me I was 8. But yeah, when I went to go on the tread mill, Ivo told me he wanted to try something new out. It was, shall I say, a hamster wheel. I didn't question it. I hopped on and ran. But something went wrong. I was running faster and faster, till there was a sonic boom. He was calling for me to stop. I didn't. I was too caught in the moment. When I finally stopped, I looked down. I was shocked. I was blue. A bright blue./p  
p data-p-id="741b596e2983c6e0b5747a23623afef4"Then I hurried it, an explosion. I looked over, I saw the fire. I ran over and helped Ivo out. But he looked different. He looked and at the time I didn't know but acted differently. He was bloated, so bloated it looked painful. The hair on his head, gone. His white moustache turned brown. He looked different, I was worried. But then he woke up, "Dr Ivo are you okay?" I asked. I received a response right away, "I am no longer Dr Ivo Robotnik. Call me Eggman."/p  
p data-p-id="dd336b4bd89a5e1640569fe80cde7fe9""Okay doctor. Um are you feeling okay?" I asked/p  
p data-p-id="1fc86b9dd3326c25c6165a75e737eb79""Why I am feeling splendid. Why do you ask rodent?"/p  
p data-p-id="c53d35b06b11f264a308ad044eb3f0fe""Well you were just in the middle of an explosion." I explained, I got no response in turn. Only the mumbling of 'taking over the world' and all that. "I'll just be leaving then. Bye" I then ran off./p  
p data-p-id="2a00bd4c4ccf7fcb2a640639d5e1ba94"Yeah Journal, that's how myself and Eggman started. Well I should probably go. Thanks for letting me tell you. I needed that off my chest. That they will not know that I am dealing with loss, of both heart break and death. Well I guess they will never know how kind he was before the incident. Well I'm gonna go now bye./p  
p data-p-id="a33d67d79d7eb910713b3f5ac81ef59c"Sonic./p 


	9. Fresh Breath

p data-p-id="d26a73df3a54670b10046cc951dc67e7"As I put my pencil down, I sigh in relief. I needed to get that off my chest. No one will ever understand the emotions I have just put into that book, no one. Not even Shadow. No one has felt pain like I have, guilt for everything I have ever done in life, grief, depression, desperation, hatred. The list could go on, but the good thing about not telling people your emotions is that no one can judge you for them. If you keep them lock up, no one will know, and no one will pity you. No one will lie, and tell you it'll all get better. When it won't./p  
p data-p-id="8658999c087cbff9245a679cd3421132"People say that heroes, don't need a hero. But we do. They also think we all are perfect and are happy-go-chappy people. But we're not. For me at least. I always had to put on a happy face, and pretend it was all alright, because if I didn't, I would be called an attention seeker, and that I was just faking it for more attention. You know what? I'm actually, kind, happy that all this hero stuff has ended. Now I can be myself. I can show my emotions, and no one will care. Because I'm just a nobody now. And I am finally free, to be me./p  
p data-p-id="3b326130b6518a42f6cbc54f541b06b6"I feel a smile creep onto my face, but then slowly fade into a frown, as I think of him./p  
p data-p-id="09e5dbf3015874ba3516daba1e4c0c67"I really do miss him. He was like a father figure to me, and now I have nothing. No one to look up to. He remembers everything we went, though, the tough and the easy, he remembered it all. His life was taken to quickly; it wasn't fair how he died. It wasn't. I should have been the one to die, not him. He saved me from himself. But on one knew that. No one else was there, not even one of his robots. They all say that I did it. That I was sick and tired of his plans for world domination. No one will know that he risked his life to save his enemy. Now that is a real hero, and I will never forget him. Ivo Robotnik will continue to live in my memories for the rest of my life./p  
p data-p-id="93a11a3c834b84bcac7a6df3f06b02cb"I then place my diary on the bookshelf, unhidden, begging to be found. To be read. But no one will, no one thinks of the obvious places, like out in the open, in a bookshelf./p  
p data-p-id="5f151bf9def943d41044b9afc28bc355"Making my way to the kitchen, I pass the fridge and head right to the door. Unlocking it, I head out. Not bothering to lock it, as Tails needs a way in. I just decided that I'm going go for a walk, not a run, just a walk to take in everything. I don't ever want to run again anyways. What's the point if it's not needed. No one needs my help anymore. Walking is so much better anyway. I can actually have a proper look at the environment around me./p  
p data-p-id="9b7dbb55627e1ef06a76be06bda2d46d"I can see the beautiful trees, bathing in sunlight. The beautiful green grass, swaying from the wind. The birds, as they fly, enjoying their freedom. I don't know where I'm going, but I really don't care. I just let my feet go where ever they want like they have their own mind. I must have a walk for an hour as I come across a beautiful rainforest, that I haven't seen before. Maybe I have, and I've just forgotten, but I just don't remember ever seeing it before. My mind begging for an adventurer after all this time is the reason I will have my legs to get closer and closer to the forest edge./p  
p data-p-id="5c683e45d2952b97b9cbbdd4dab35d54"'Might as well. Not like I have nothing better to do, anyway.'/p  
p data-p-id="27bcb8bb048f13a865c5871788b9e16c"So I head into the think of the trees. As I am walking, my ears twitch as they catch the sounds of scattering animals, the birds in the sky, of the twigs snapping under my feet, and the faint sound of running water. I don't know why but I head in the general direction of the water. As I continue to walk I see many different plants, ferns to the towering trees, they cover this place. There are small trees as well. I try to avoid stepping on any of the young plants as I continue on my path to the sound of flowing water./p  
p data-p-id="c0474bda264e595ecba453329732fb13"Then the rushing of what gets louder and louder, until I stumble across something beautiful. The beautiful little pond stands in the middle of the beautiful green and red bushes. The flowing is coming from a small waterfall, the waterfall having an arch made of the tree above it. No leaves litter the crystal surface, giving a perfect view of the thousands of pebbles on the bottom. Rocks surround the edge of the water, acting as a fence. Surely this is a place where gods must meet, I think. It's so beautiful./p  
p data-p-id="8458a854e9fd2631b2363121d9e025d0"I am in awe at this place. Back when I was fighting Eggman, I would have only had a quick, brief look before being shooed off to go fight the bad guy. But now, with one else here, I can honestly look at nature the way I never got to, and I am in shock. It is absolutely stunning. Just as remarkable as Shadow./p  
p data-p-id="757b81822fd869c976e830afc8348095"I can't believe in all the years I have been alive; I have never seen a place look so magnificent./p  
p data-p-id="79d19de868db513310c7caebde5fd9c3"As I walk through the bushes, I pick a random rock to sit on and just take in tranquillity around this location. It's so magical. Crossing my legs, I close my eyes and take a deep breath of fresh air, then let it out. I continue this pose for hours probably. But I really don't care, meditating is the only way to clear my mind, as of late./p  
p data-p-id="ce896f0bedcebfb7ea9d0c98cabfac7c"I have probably been sitting here for a while. I know I have when I, finally, look up at the sky, through a little peeking hole in the trees, to see it has different shades of pink, purple, and oranges mix in with sky blue. I am so calm and away from my life, that when my wrist communicator goes off, it ends up scaring and in the process making, give a squeak and force me to fall off the rock and into the water. But luckily, on my part, it's not deep, and only wets my bottom. I hop back up quickly, and just stand in the ankle deep water, and look down to see who is calling. /p  
p data-p-id="9d1dcfb7c0490e833f031eee754104e7""Hey, buddy. What you doing?" I ask, knowing he is at home right now, and probably wants me back now./p  
p data-p-id="716217c75291cd0ed0bf56e1568021b8""Where are you Sonic? I've been back for hours, and you haven't come back" he says, scolding me. "You didn't even leave me a note. Just come home now." He says while I show the yellow fox my fake smile./p  
p data-p-id="d88da1be631bea9a1178cac9d716b2f3""I'm sorry, I went for a walk. I'll be ba-" my smile flatters a little as he interrupts me./p  
p data-p-id="0e4e951410bb58826cee467d83afcc29""Yeah, yeah. Just get home quick." After he finishes, I watch as the screen goes black. My smile fading away./p  
p data-p-id="b6c4ea854fa3f1fd41bdbec59398e7be"I know it was rude of him to interrupt me, but as of late I really don't care anymore, and he's a teen. I remember how hard it was to be a teen. The pimples, the hormones, the attitude. I really should start pulling him in line for it, but I can't help but feel like I deserve it. Anyone can do or say anything to me, and I just won't care one bit. It's like all the respect I used to get, just vanished into thin air. Just like how I have become numb to the world around me. Like how I don't care for myself anymore. Like how no one does./p  
p data-p-id="a3c8d1bc69184c783844bf9444ed7d37"As I head off back in the direction I came from, I make a mental note to come back here later. Or when I have the chance to at least. As I continue to pass the bundles of leaves that make up bushes, and plants, to look up again through the parting in trees. The stars are starting to show up. I have always thought that stars were beautiful. They are like the brighter side of night, they're like a light is to the dark, because no matter how hard you try to get rid of them, they will always be there. Looking down on us. I also like to think that every time someone dies, their soul turns into a star, that they are shining above us./p  
p data-p-id="53f851fb679faa6acd337df63d38ab7c"As the day continues to fade into the night, I finally make it out of the rainforest. I memorise this place, and the way I came, from the ferns to the trees. After studying every little detail, I then start on my way home again. Content on coming back tomorrow. /p  
p data-p-id="11b614075f0b726b4b25bd25e9687a39"***********/p  
p data-p-id="a28de21dd9121b1b7201057eb5536c2c"I'm sorry it took so long to update, but I have an editor, a href=" user/MaddHatt3r"span style="text-decoration: underline;"span style="color: #0066cc;"MaddHatt3r/span/span/a (on ). Thank you for editing this chapter and future chapter, so all credit for editing goes to her. But I should be post more frequently soon. But I hope you enjoyed this chapter and I'll see you all later, buh-bye./p 


	10. Someone

Sooner then I would have liked I am staring at oak door at the front of our house, my hand resting on the brass door knob, I just stand there, staring at the peace of wood. My ears soon pick up the sound of an angry kitsune cussing out my name for the whole of Green Hill to hear. I just continue to stand there, looking at the door, not wanting to confront the anger on the other side. I just wish I could just disappear, so I stop causing everyone problems and ruining their lives while they have a chance. But I know I have to get yelled at sooner or later; so letting go of the breath I never knew I was holding, I push the door open.

As the creaking alerts the 16 year old, as the house goes silent. I see Tails turn around and look at me, when suddenly the piercing blue eyes are staring right into my own.

"Hi Tai-" I start to say but am suddenly cut off by the younger.

"Don't 'Hi Tails me!' Sonic where the hell were you?!"

"I just went out for a while" I mumble under my breath as I cower under the knifelike gaze of the fox. My ears falling flat against my head and eye finding a sudden interest in the floor.

"What was that? Speak up!" He ordered.

My reply came out loud and fast;

"I just went out for a while."

I sneak a glance up at tails and instantly regret it as I am met with a stone hold glare, that pierces through me. As I look back down at the floor, I continue to make myself even smaller then I was already, and to hold back the tears, as my heart in smashed into millions of paces.

"What would you be doing outside that would possibly be worth your time?! You are not needed out there to save people what could you be needed for outside other then just wasting every ones time? You are not needed out there any more, so why would you go outside. So from now on, just stay outside unless needed."

As I let all those words sink in and break me, I barely comprehend the slamming of the door I was still standing in front of. The only things that I can take in are the tears falling down my face and onto the floor, the thoughts moving around my head and the shattering of my heart and mind.

I know I always think those thoughts, but to hear them from someone else, just continues to prove that I am not needed in this world.

Tails is right, what am I needed for any more, non of my 'friends' really even talk to me, the last time I talk to one of them, it being Shadow, was almost two weeks ago and that didn't go too well. Other then that I have had no contact with them.

No one out there needs saving. There is no one attacking, kidnapping or experimenting anyone, so what is the use of going outside. What the use of even being here if I'm not needed.

As the insults continue to swim in my head, I feel my knees come in contact with the floor, I just break. All the emotions I keep bottled up, all come out in sobs.

No one needs me…...but I need someone.


	11. Flowers

I am still here. On the floor, looking at the door, just waiting for Tails to come home. I should go look for him. He could be hurt. But he told me not to go outside without a reason. But I'm worried. I should listen to him though. He always knows what is the best thing for me.

After another hour Tails still hasn't come home yet. I'm worried. A lot. He didn't tell me were he was going. Probably to Creams. But he could be hurt or lost somewhere. I need to go find him. I would feel terrible if he was hurt. Even though he said all that, he's still my little brother. And his hormones were making him say it. He wasn't the one to say that. He would never say that. But I need to find him no matter what, the only family I have. And I will love him no matter what he says or does. He is my little brother.

So with that final thought in my head, I hop up and head out the door.

Walking to Creams house, I looked around at all the shrubbery. The beautiful Daffodils getting pushed and pulled softly from the breeze. I remember when I would get Cream these. She used to love getting flowers to make flower crowns and necklaces. Always making two if she had enough, one for her mother, Vanilla, one for myself. I wish I could go back to that, and just stay in that time forever. When we all loved yeah other, when we were younger, happier. When I had something to always take y mind off of my depression.

Shrugging my shoulders, I pick enough for two bunches, one for each of the rabbits. Hopping back up with said flowers in hand, I continue my search for my little brother.

Finally stopping I take in the details of the little cottage. The pale yellow threads of hay laying on the roof, complementing with the creamy white paint job done to the outside of the house. The white picket fence, lined with flowers of all colours and vines twisting and turning on the wood. Knocking on the wood door, I am greeted by the ageing Vanilla.

"Why, hello Sonic. What brings you here?" her soft voice comes out sweet and kind on asking the question.

"I was just wondering if Tails came by here?" I ask, avoiding eye contact, and instead concentrating of the pale blue dress she is wearing.

"Oh I'm sorry, he just left with Cream, sweet heart. Do you want to come in?" she asks, opening the door more.

Stepping inside, I thank her and looking at the décor. The beautiful knitted blankets lying on the cocoa coloured couch. A wooded coffee table adorn with an empty vase, a Doyle an oven mitt and freshly baked muffins. Walking over to the sofa, Vanilla offers me a seat beside her. I yet again except the offer, taking a seat beside the rabbit, after giving her the plants.

"Thank you, Deary." reaching over, she places them in the now full vase. "Now, Sonic, what's wrong?"

Her soft hand reaches by chin, and gently lifts my head to look at her. Soft, caring, warm brown eyes meet my dull, lifeless, fading green eyes. Her eyes study mine, she read my eyes like a book. And I can do nothing but stare into her own gems.

"I'm fine Vanilla." I try to give my best smile, but I can't even do that right.

She gently shakes her head. "You don't need to lie to me, you know that right?"

"I'm know."

"So please tell me what's wrong, Sonic?" she persists.

"I said, I'm fine." I don't up up much of a fight. Why? Just so someone can hurt me. Or leave me again. I can't have that happen again. it's happened to may times.

The cream coloured rabbit says nothing, she just shuffles over and wraps her arms around me. The one thing I have needed for so long. One thing as simple as this, lets the tears free. I am holding onto Vanilla for dear life as I let more of my tears go, for the second time today. My head resting on her chest.

And even tho my tears are staining her dress, the old rabbit never once stops comforting me. Her hand rubbing circles on my back. And her soothing words. My sobs continue on like this for a while, till I am left sniffling and having no more tears to leave my eyes.

Finally pulling back from my death grip, Vanilla looks into my eyes, her soft un-gloved hands now resting in my own as she asks;

"Are you okay?"


	12. Try

p data-p-id="d41d8cd98f00b204e9800998ecf8427e" /p  
p data-p-id="bc0f8b11d38f9949d8e581f6dd01e9dc"As the door closes to the little cottage, I start in the direction of the little house Tails and I share. But Tails is hardly spending any time, whether it's at Creams, working on his plain, which is hardly ever now, or staying up on Angel Island. So as you can probably tell, I hardly ever get to interact with anyone. When Shadow came to see me that was the last real social interaction I got in a while from my friends, well what I have anyway. No one talks to me, or asks me what is wrong, and kills me inside, knowing that no one, other then Vanilla and Shadow, care. And seeing how everyone already happy, makes me feel even worst./p  
p data-p-id="5ab4ce3c1cfc23e9f41bda8119206e52"They all love each other, they don't need someone like me ruining that./p  
p data-p-id="1a677371566186bacba2942f1be2a5f3"Come on Sonic, chin up. You're going to get through this, with Vanilla's help. They would miss me, at least that's what Vanilla said. She told me, that I mattered, that I was something, that I had thing to live for, that I would miss out on so much. That I did help people./p  
p data-p-id="2cbe93840dfee262dfa52313ff1b39d4"But I always think negative. I happy with her help. I really can't wait to see her again, to feel like I mattered, even if it's for that little time I'm going to spend with her. She makes me believe I am going to make it through this. That I will win the war against my inner demons./p  
p data-p-id="aeb47a012e7c65e914c489c9773a42f4"With out even realising it, resulting in me almost walking into the door, I have arrived out the front of our house. Upon opening the door, I still see and hear no sign of the young fox. No surprise there./p  
p data-p-id="e44d9e19299c97a3faf5eb9d0a47f283"Walking past the living room, the kitchen and my room, I come face to face with another door. This one leading to the bathroom. Walking in, I look into the mirror. The...thing I am met with horrifies me. There looking back at me is the thing I have become./p  
p data-p-id="27de9a24ee8dcc8bbb97590f53cab4d6"A walking shell of my old self./p  
p data-p-id="8c1ce1fa3cbe2a483ab407907bdc3a2c"My fur having gone from a vibrant, bright, blue, to a greyish type colour. Dirt cling to my dead like fur, the skins stretching over my bone. Looking up, and into my eyes, I am meet with dead, empty pits./p  
p data-p-id="107612a9f54a55fd98b8d63e7a327bd3"No wonder Vanilla was worried, I look a mess. But why would she want to help me? Someone who can't be fixed, broken beyond repair? Someone who has already signed the note to death?/p  
p data-p-id="3928f288dc3ea492058680fdf3f2de09"But she helps me because I need it, that's why she has offered to let me come by once a week to talk to her. She really is a beautiful person. I am happy that she is helping me. I finally have someone there for me, when no else has been. And I love it, feeling loved./p  
p data-p-id="36a8eaa68e366f611cf58768a069fdb2"I know I have a long way a head of me before I will be even remotely better;/p  
p data-p-id="8f55b699d35308a249f9502d57687efe"But I will still try./p  
p data-p-id="7c639fe2db7d9b6b5301f47205f5030e"~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~/p  
p data-p-id="f9173db41770e7eaf3317933b83ec9e8"I know it's short. But it's an update./p  
p data-p-id="f41cb7f19352ac961bf924155145c3ae"Reason why I didn't update./p  
p data-p-id="a215bb8f6fd101580a99be2c2c90ac90"Okie dokie. I forgot what Angel Island was called/p  
p data-p-id="4dc4ec7091509ce4cb8d0265922bbe2e"and/p  
p data-p-id="14a131e54968ddc98d4dbdaa970338b2"I was just lazy./p  
p data-p-id="4c29e136ee66542e35349ff0b5eccebb"Meh./p  
p data-p-id="5fd948a6dcecdf14bf70fd29f8b6de04"It's and update tho./p  
p data-p-id="1cb99cdfc23609ac5b85288cee2fccb5"But anyway I hope you enjoyed it also I already know what is gonna happen, so write in the comments what you thing is going to happen. Because I wanna know what you all think is gonna happen. Also you are all gonna hate me so much. But that's all you're going to get./p  
p data-p-id="ce73c947499ae3aadb1fc6d0923215ee"But anyway BYE!/p  
p data-p-id="10e9df2ae504f6a7e7a43e89f79616d0"(Is that how you spell it again, mind blank)/p 


	13. Then It All Goes To Black

p data-p-id="61769439c9950388a573a5e6e1eaad46"I open my eyes to see darkness. As my eyes slowly grow used to the darkness, so I make out that I am in a room, with nothing but a door. So making my way to the door I see shadows pass by under the door, as if pacing. My hand grabs the cold metal as I turn it, but not before hearing muffled whispers on the other side of the door./p  
p data-p-id="d15e74823d33373209e2e4f0fc45dfed"Upon opening the door, I see a sight that will forever scar me for life. The figures then turn to me, their eyes locking onto me./p  
p data-p-id="7679de8a29cd8aa0861efa4c9b03e4f5"There, standing in front of me are my friends;/p  
p data-p-id="0c9dd374463e455f09f8e9878e43fe09"Amy, Tails, Cream, Knuckles, Rouge, Vanilla and.../p  
p data-p-id="905fedf3178faf899654bba4f25ce09c"Shadow./p  
p data-p-id="e47d867b12006da7a20f5f95c5a89efc"There is blood clinging from them, pooling underneath them. They all seem to have a noticeable gash or chunks of flesh missing in them, from what looks like quills. So when Rouge goes and grabs one out of her side, my suspicions are proven correct. The quill she pulls out however has a distinct colour to it, a vibrant, light blue./p  
p data-p-id="729cb6c5909e21614c473ac4ac1710ae"My mouth opens slightly as one of my own, so looking back at my quills I am torn when I see dried cracked blood. Looking back at them I see that their faces have still got a blank, death like stare that sends cold daggers through my soul. Through my whole being./p  
p data-p-id="e55bda14e93fe028cc5ad307ba84aa46""Why?"/p  
p data-p-id="177da8def1f90738f685d3f0befb6cad"I then turn sharply to the source of the sound, finding it to be Amy who asked I reply with a stuttering and confused 'what?' /p  
p data-p-id="89347021dba9305dd0c7db204efab576""Why did you hurt us Sonic? We were your friends. Your family." They all said synchronized. As they repeated the same thing over and over again, I continued to look at them all./p  
p data-p-id="51ac79e2240b446847c0fbbe5f7aa3ff""PL-PLEASE! Ju-just stop. Please."/p  
p data-p-id="9eb343567067b5ce7dfd48edb229d9b3""Did you stop when we asked? Did you stop when you were tearing in to our skin? Into our flesh? Did you stop when you saw the life dripping out of us?" Looking up, I try to find the source of the voice. Not finding it to be one of the other standing around me, I start to spin around in hopes of finding it./p  
p data-p-id="549eb402ec1d39f363b7322752a57009"The world around me is turning and spinning...but then it just stops. And I'm now staring down the side of a twenty foot tall skyscraper./p  
p data-p-id="fbed7e3c2103edd592168fda51d67952"A once beautiful blue sky, is now littered with gray storm clouds./p  
p data-p-id="d223d6addc0a9f712de12941828fd031"I quietly chuckle to myself. This being the last time I will get to see any of this. To emhea/emr any of this. The clouds that leave the sky in a layer of gray covering the sky, with only little peaks of blue shining through. The tweets if birds far from the city. The chatter of families as they walk around, the kids pointing to things they want that are displayed in windows of toy stores./p  
p data-p-id="cd547d353d3a732e30c60c157367999b"Feeling a tear slid down my face, I watch as it drops to the ground. Probably landing on someone who walks by, waving it off as a drop of rain and then hurries off for shelter. At least that's what I want to think./p  
p data-p-id="7cc7a8904878e42db4bad7a465cb3d70"Closing my eyes I feel my body fall forward, and off the building. The last thought coming to my mind being;/p  
p data-p-id="9138c9f033fb33a59734e78d75b168f0"'I love you so much Shadow.'/p  
p data-p-id="b47ff586cddefb7fefb964ad1db38323"Then it all goes to black./p 


	14. Dead Dull Eyes

p data-p-id="fbe41a4952b21b23a9292599b811ea8b"My eyes snap open, back locked into a sitting position, as my hand cling to my chest as I gasp for air. My chest constricting my lungs, short struggles for oxygen pass my lips. As one hand keeps me propped up right the other is clinning to my chest, try to settle my uneven breaths. /p  
p data-p-id="5b812e140177e2659790ac361a9f7aef"As my labored breathing finally slows down, I can finally let my mind think about what just happened./p  
p data-p-id="abd2a9a92931e1a5a7665654f2c05ff5"'I had a dream...about dying.'/p  
p data-p-id="baa4a631e20f42e4c3ffe1d6e96bcae4"And what's more is that I killed my friends./p  
p data-p-id="6d1dd3edef6ad668a51bd0a217c62239"'Oh my god! What is wrong with me?!'/p  
p data-p-id="10a2e48e95b0b9047e98fec402dd0d1b"Looking to the left, I see the glowing number of my clock./p  
p data-p-id="083403a296c281eb2796c26fb30020a1"3:07./p  
p data-p-id="8a1fc7ee1897fb2e142a4309709da4b2"Running a hand down my face, I feel a dampness on my unclothed hand. As I wipe the tears from my face, I contemplate going to see Vanilla, but considering the time, I choose not to./p  
p data-p-id="b6427a15317e16f718f411fc4af2eb38"Getting up I head to the bathroom. Leaning against the sink, my eyes meet a dulling pair. Sighing, I reach into the top draw and pull out two things./p  
p data-p-id="0c3c5c8475ebd9faf276099119f194a9"Gazing at the items in my hands, I contemplate doing it or not./p  
p data-p-id="0e90d798655a936ec1ebd896465153ad"'They all hate you, do it.'/p  
p data-p-id="9a38e568fa07d2c4e45ccf1d89e88fd3"'They won't miss you.'/p  
p data-p-id="5d2d8707642bc55ebe3f358a8c49b6f1"'A failed, useless emthin/emg.'/p  
p data-p-id="44f0dbbb23841cc700e909ba0a23d269"Throwing the antidepressants across the room I fall to the ground. The insults are coming from left and right. They are coming from everywhere. I can't take it anymore./p  
p data-p-id="4cec5f7792a80b7b6cefb73a6754fecf"So bring the other item into my line of sight, see the soft glow of the light reflecting off the cold, unforgiving surface./p  
p data-p-id="70d8695ef7fab8cda42b8cb73fcd76dd"Placing the razor to the fur and skin on my upper arm. Dragging it across, I breath in a sharp breath, taking in the relief the pain brings./p  
p data-p-id="c3ebd3a1628bbbbf00df2569b891a011"I continue to do this, again and again. Over and over. Savoring the feeling of being free, even if it for a short time./p  
p data-p-id="532e3ffc31537ceb1f2aaed7c0df38bc"I continue on like this for what feels like days, but has only been a dew minutes./p  
p data-p-id="cbc022b0e4e62c27e7daa53ec56d989a"Drawing my hand away, I study what I have done to my arm. There was blood everywhere!/p  
p data-p-id="a667d41ebf1bb93b3eeb7bfe92f7a0fe"I started to freak out, my lungs feeling they could explode. There was blood all over my arm. I was unable to see the cuts past the blood gushing out of one of them./p  
p data-p-id="741c40c4d98fa6db7a6f0fbe5e26b288"The tears welled in my eyes at the realisation of what I have done, and to what extent./p  
p data-p-id="029127b66867d75dcc39f2cc01173f44"As I turn the tap on, I bring a damp cloth down to my blood soaked arm. Holding down a scream, I start to clean my shoulder and arm./p  
p data-p-id="b4943d65fac153aa13b501ed6d3b2364"Once clean I take one look at my arm and see one of the cuts is already bleeding like a fountain again. My blood being the water for the fountain and my skin and fur being the cement./p  
p data-p-id="b4ee2f9978ff3727ff8f11f5c9c14a85"Getting the damp cloth out of the now deep pink coloured water, I hold it to the cut in hopes it will stop bleeding. Upon taking the cloth off, I tear my eyes away from the cut./p  
p data-p-id="baf88b1bf4aa671d6ae549398d45ac54"Its deep. Too deep. It'll need stitches. I know it will, but I can't go and get it stitched, they'll think I'm weak./p  
p data-p-id="1b4d6dde689983157e3705c507bcda39"I'll just need to tough it out and let it heal without stitches, I think, while grabbing the cloth again./p  
p data-p-id="fa12f9a7b4e27e97c1a6b10d0979e4cf"This continued on for a while. Me grabbing the cloth and cleaning it./p  
p data-p-id="2319f09f4318cb917a9bccdff9fbfaff"But it finally stopped. Finally./p  
p data-p-id="14604b6ea7d4d9c7d2fc02dd505a8b8a"'How will I cover this up?'/p  
p data-p-id="af3b50058b023e7d2d3ed2353e4c6bf0"Getting up off the floor, I double check that there is no blood, I head into my room to grab a jumper. Hand still pressing the wet fabric to the cut./p  
p data-p-id="e685e250f56ce82471446cbf50ee6ca3"Its just a simple pastel pink with yellow dots./p  
p data-p-id="42d0e2b1b09e3b68143b6c825fa8655b"Peeling my hand away, I give one last wipe over being extra gentle near my shoulder, where the deep one is./p  
p data-p-id="3e78259602f035b99fa8c26eff2857ea"I finally pull the jumper over my head and arms. I then head off back to bed to sleep. Not that I do./p  
p data-p-id="55566ba38fa4168499e4c0fdb0230048"Staying up, thinking. br /br /p  
p data-p-id="bc7fa1d163f9c78a637a6255d21f3245"_/p  
p data-p-id="cbeb3dc0e85082562361d5e508387bba"So did you like it? It was funny reading you guys in the comments asking me if it was a dream or not. Well turns out it was! Hehe did some of you think that was the end? Cause I still have a LOT more to come. Oh joy! 😂/p 


	15. My Little Paradise

p data-p-id="b398451ebc8dcb84fa4dee8ab5ab2326"2 months later/p  
p data-p-id="b544716c556c6db7b6bed0fd5b56d5c7"As my dull green eyes peel open, I turn to my right to see what the glowing numbers of my clock./p  
p data-p-id="c76a25d405971518afd2db90de152d06"'7:13 am'/p  
p data-p-id="4f05040e2dac5902a8e011523cd85b61"Sighing I think to myself, 'Two hours, new record yay.'/p  
p data-p-id="ee9bab4e221d4c58d4cc095ac2ac2927"Hopping up, I go to the bathroom to clean the fabric and fluff out of the still open cut. All the other cuts that I did with that cut are just about all healed, now it's just this one and the fresher, newer cuts. I know when these have all scared over, my fur won't grow back, for two reasons. The scarring will prevent my fur to grow out and the second, my fur is getting thinner and thinner by the day. So I'll always have to wear something to cover up what type of failed thing I have become./p  
p data-p-id="d4aadbd0129edd87efea72a746b69043"Finishing up, I slip on my pale blue jacket, zipping it up at the front. I then make my way out the front door, not stopping for anything other then to place my shoes on my feet./p  
p data-p-id="7d4ecde21b972995519254fd9ae801da"My pace is slow, not like how others are now. Needing to go places fast, not knowing they might never see these things again./p  
p data-p-id="3a65e29c412349b89f6b3f40e49dac00"That's what I always did. I ran. I ran from my problems. I ran from my insecurities. I ran from my fears. I ran from my friends when they tried to help./p  
p data-p-id="50a28944ea48f2aa8253e771784ab32a"I ran cause I was nothing./p  
p data-p-id="1a6ab25e91f5ee2853d9ceb3a3b61782"I ruin everything for everyone. That's why I needed a new 'spot', as I call it, that I could be alone and think./p  
p data-p-id="9cf61a07ead4d72563e9ba4ccf2a4f5b"The place with the Chao, it's now a Chao reserve. They are keeping them 'safe' from animals that hunt them./p  
p data-p-id="b1b40a5b51a3cd5691d2f488d067d6f9"But, it is my fault. I could have just left them in peace, then they would still be living in peace. If I didn't come along, they would still have a home. Not a place with fencing around it. /p  
p data-p-id="4406ddeec2454deff3be3714add191e4"I've still been talking to Vanilla, but I feel like I'm a burdened to her. She still has a daughter to look after, she doesn't need me to add to the pile. So I've been seeing her less and less. /p  
p data-p-id="88d7e065d7f44cce0e78283c67a2150b"Shadow came by. Not for long, but he asked if I could help him pack his stuff. He told me they, Amy and Shadow, broke up, so he needs help to pack him stuff up and move it back to his apartment./p  
p data-p-id="566ca10a98058aac26eb6e1d31dfa13b"Why would he want my help? He could have gotten Rouge or Knuckles, hell even Tails. Why me?!/p  
p data-p-id="8d5abac3d0e6bf04f36539b74609f787"I'm nothing./p  
p data-p-id="0ef19a4960e8c7e2b95a6a5794be4c74"I'm just an inconvenience to everyone I know./p  
p data-p-id="9f9bb41305380acf0a4cabd25726eeb4"Reaching my destination, I look at my sad, dull eyes in the little pond. The pond that is part of my little paradise./p  
p data-p-id="54150129cbe04317e09c82b81b91937d"Taking both my socks and runners off, I put my feet in the beautiful, pristine water./p  
p data-p-id="494a514a5fbc5dbb8744ad845ffe4e7d"Leaning back, keeping my body propped up with my hands, I let a huff of air leave my mouth. Willing the bad thoughts to leave./p  
p data-p-id="739a5607ad292ebc4823d236cea115eb"Cause after all this is my little paradise. Somewhere I don't allow myself to think like that./p  
p data-p-id="156128111dab52c7bba17ad0e768d847"_/p  
p data-p-id="758323378082a2e7e5a9ff60b374ee3d"So um yeah, its not as good as the one that got deleted, but I did add more. Also the song, I thought matched how Sonic is kinda feeling with how he loves Shadow. Well at least that's what I think. I hope you all enjoyed though. 💙💙💙/p 


	16. AN New cover

new cover done by the amazing person named Bluereddino on wattpad, so if you have wattpad go check out their stories. I also want to say if you go to wattpad updates are MUCH quicker on there. But you don't have to.


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